dietsch

"I'll blow up all of you white motherfuckers"

War angst. Tuesday last week, I was riding home from work on the F train. The train was crowded and so I was leaning against a door--the door opposite most of the entrances in that part of town so I wouldn't have to move for people entering and leaving. Around about 23rd Street, an agitated man got on the train. Although I was listening to music on my iPod, I could hear him muttering to himself. The mutterings grew louder until he was literally shouting. "That motherfucker sent us to war? For what?! What are we trying to do? My baby brother's over there and I don't know if he's alive or dead. Did you see the pictures on the news? Those boys were shot dead. Their brains were all around 'em on the ground! Their blood was everywhere! My baby brother's over there and I don't know if he's alive or dead!" This man was also standing by a door, but because he was on the side where the door opened at each stop, passengers had to pass him to enter or leave. He shouted at them all: "My baby brother's over there!" As he ranted, he grew increasingly agitated. "That stupid white motherfucker sent my baby brother to die. And for what?! What's the point?! My brother gonna die and for what?! Why's he over there? Why's any of 'em over there?" I watched others on the train shuffle, try to look away. A few people laughed nervously, some moved away from him, others remained near him as if making a point. "That stupid white motherfucker sent my baby brother over there and if he dies... If my brother dies, I'm going to shoot all of you white motherfuckers. I'll come back here and I'll blow up this motherfucking train car and I'll blow up all you white motherfuckers." I still had my iPod on but I could hear him even with the volume all the way up. He took a seat when one opened and berated two women standing nearby: "Get yer goddamn white asses outta my face! What makes you think I want your asses in my face. I'll shoot you white motherfuckers." He kept on like this, talking to everyone, no one, himself. Shouting. When the train pulled into Delancey, I remembered that the door would open behind me. I stepped backwards out of the door and hustled to the next car.