dietsch ::

emm ee?

So, apparently Kiefer prison-raped Chris Meloni and stabbed Denis Leary in the neck after kidnapping Frances Conroy and overthrowing the president of the United States not once but twice!

That's so hard-fucking-core, I don't know what to say.

Beware the postmodern efflusion of distraction

After all, it's nothing more than a reproduction of the modernist notion of attention, and you'll do well to remember that if you wish to attain conceptual attention at the hegemonic service simultaneously of individual perception and social justice.

Intelligent design?

This Chick, here, is proof positive that there's no such thing as intelligent design (because either there's no designer at all or he's a flaming moron to have created her). Also, if I were Guy, I'd kick her ass to the curb. Even if she gave good head.

Chick: I know you'll think I'm crazy, but I just don't believe that dinosaurs ever existed.

Read the rest.

Eyeroll

I just overheard two guys at work discussing Tom DeLay's resignation from Congress, and I must say, it's hard to take such a conversation seriously when one of the guys keeps pronouncing indictment as in-'dikt-m&nt.

Walking on sunshine?

Hurricanes aren't really to laugh at, but you think Florida's ready for, ahem, Katrina and the waves?

Who Would Jesus Do?

"When a young man and a young woman give in to Satan, when they strip down like animals in the wild and prepare themselves for a lusty round of heavy petting and full-blown sex, what better reminder for them to buck up than a WWJD condom with the image of our Lord and Savior right there on the package, and then, as a fail safe measure, also on the prophylactic itself?" [via The Revealer]

Guilty by Association

You know, I don't think I'll ever "get over" being a former born-again; my experiences during that period shaped me in ways that I probably don't fully understand yet. So imagine my delight and fascination with the blog They Will Know Us By Our T-Shirts [thanks to The Morning News for the link], a blog about working in a Christian bookstore. I'd like to read every entry and add it to my RSS reader, since his comments about Passion of the Christ merchandise and Jay Jay the Jet Plane videos are insightful, honest, and funny. But beyond the humor, there's a deep look at Christian consumerism and the evangelical subculture, touching on many issues I considered when deciding whether to leave born-againism. This blog reminds me, in part, of a song by Steve Taylor: So you need a new car? let your fingers take a walk through the business guide for the "born again" flock you'll be keeping all your money in the kingdom now and you'll only drink milk from a Christian cow don't you go casting your bread to keep the heathen well-fed line Christian pockets instead--avoid temptation guilty by association Turn the radio on to a down-home drawl hear a brylcream prophet with a message for y'all "I have found a new utensil in the devil's toolbox and the heads are gonna roll if Jesus rocks it's a worldly design! God's music should be divine! try buying records like mine--avoid temptation" guilty by association So you say it's of the devil and we've got no choice because you heard a revelation from the "still small voice?" if the Bible doesn't back it then it seems quite clear perhaps it was the devil who whispered in your ear It's a Telethon Tuesday for "The Gospel Club" "send your money in now or they're gonna pull the plug!" just remember this fact when they plead and beg When The Chicken Squawks Loudest Gonna Lay A Big Egg you could be smelling a crook you should be checking The Book but you'd rather listen thank look--the implication guilty by association

God F.A.Q.

The Official God FAQ

The family-values party

No to same-sex marriage; yes to two girls at once.

Freshmen report

January 28, 1986 -- The space shuttle Challenger explodes shortly after takeoff. 1986 -- The year of birth for most of the 18-year-olds among this year's batch of college freshmen.

Christ powerless over rice, Catholic church says

An eight-year-old celiac sufferer in New Jersey has had her First Communion revoked after the Church learned that the host used in the ceremony was made from rice flour, not wheat flour. The girl suffers from a disorder that makes gluten consumption potentially fatal. The Church, which offers low-gluten hosts, insists on following church doctrine, which teaches that hosts must be made of wheat, in keeping with Church tradition. Even the low-gluten hosts can be harmful to some celiac sufferers, though, and the Church requires that they either drink wine instead of taking the host or abstain from Communion entirely. Now, at the risk of sounding flippant, I have to wonder at this. The point of Holy Communion, within the Roman Catholic faith, is that the host and wine are transformed into the literal body and blood of Jesus. Why can God transform only wheat-based hosts and not rice-based hosts? Is rice somehow Christ's Kryptonite, or is this an example of a Church sticking too stridently to tradition?

A Drunkard's Agenda

Via Boing Boing, this funny list of 40 things any drunkard should do before the old liver fails.

Just plain stupid

From today's NY Times comes an analysis of the "crisis" in intelligence regarding weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. The piece examines options the Bush Administration might explore in responding to the problem. Buried in the piece is this choice quote from an unnamed senior Republican:

"They wove this giant story, based on intelligence assessments that in hindsight — and this is hindsight, remember — were wrong. It's exposed a huge problem in our intelligence gathering. But who wants to take that on in an election year? Or while you are fighting terrorists?"

Let me get this straight: Who wants to take on problems with intelligence when you're fighting terrorists? Jesus.

Rhododendron

I don't cover politics in this blog, but tonight Diane Sawyer interviewed Howard Dean and Judith Steinberg Dean, and she asked Mrs. Dr. Dean about her 50th birthday. I don't have the transcript, but I'll paraphrase. Diane: "For your 50th birthday, he bought you a rhododendron. That's not exactly hearts and flowers." Excuse me, Diane. What's not hearts and flowers? Also, Judith Steinberg Dean is a woman with a successful medical practice, and Diane quoted the Deans' critics, saying Judith Dean should put all that on hold to traipse around the country on her husband's coattails because that's what wives do. I'm sorry, is this the twenty-first century, or is my watch running fast again? This is why I pay little attention to television's coverage of politics. It's all so fucking vapid, it's just never worth the time.

Is it a bar?

How to tell if you're in a bar or a restaurant A few of my favorites: "If the waiter challenges your choice of wines, it’s a restaurant. If the waiter challenges you to a fist fight over the Miami-Virginia Tech score, it’s a bar. If the waiter recommends a dish made famous in Tuscany, it’s a restaurant. If the waiter recommends a dish made famous in Buffalo, it’s a bar. If the Friday Night Special is advertised as a “pasta toss,” it’s a restaurant. If the Friday Night Special is advertised as a “midget toss,” it’s a bar." [via Fark]

Pimpin'

Satan's Laundromat gets the mad pimpin', yo.

Visit Old Madison!

Visit Madison, Indiana! We're xenophobic and too boring to matter to terrorists!

A safe place to visit...When you visit Madison you will discover that we have no tall buildings to fear, no nuclear power plants, airports or anything anyone would want to blow up. When you step into Old-Madison, you step back more than a 100 years in time experiencing a past as much alive today as it was a century ago. Old Madison was a time of adventure, an age of grandeur the great steamboatin era. Most of the folks around here are American Americans and you too are welcome here. We have "great" old homes and buildings to see, antique shops, great food, sleep in one of our old homes and walk on our lighted riverfront. Experience Old-Madison today.

Wonder what they mean by American Americans. Even if this is a joke, it's a perfect example of why I got the fuck out of Indiana.
Oh, and Madison? 100 means one hundred. The construction a 100, therefore, means "a one hundred." And that really doesn't make much sense, so keep your illiterate, furriner-fearing, antebellum culture to your damn selves.

Word of the day

lascivious.

"When I Grow Up I

"When I Grow Up I Want to Be an Old Woman".
You Know You're a Grown-up When You Grumble at This

"A new poll by the University of Chicago's National Opinion Research Center reports that most Americans think people need to be 26 to be considered 'grown up.'
College-educated Americans put the age even higher--between 28 and 29.
Tom Smith, director of the center's General Social Survey, said he had never asked the question before but, using other surveys, he thinks that Americans' notion of when adulthood starts is later now than in the past.
Indeed, some social scientists have declared that '30 is the new 20.' "
[Chicago Sun-Times via The Shifted Librarian]

"30 is the new 20." Perhaps that explains why I'm catting around New York like a college student.

Oh yeah...

Pope Opens Easter Mass With a Call for Peace. As tens of thousands of people jammed rain-soaked St. Peter's Square, Pope John Paul II began Easter Sunday mass with a call to the faithful to work tirelessly for peace. By The Associated Press. [New York Times: NYT HomePage]

Oh, uh, yeah. I guess it is Easter. Since I don't celebrate, I lose track. Happy Easter, if you're a Christ person. Also, happy Passover. And, uh, to the rest of you...happy nothing.

Grill Poindexter on privacy!

Oh, this is very funny....

Calling All Yahoos

Worried about what John Poindexter's up to as federal information czar? Call his home number and ask.

http://sfweekly.com/issues/2002-11-27/smith.html/1/index.html

Now my advice for those who die / Declare the pennies on your eyes

Harrison leaves £99m will. George Harrison left more than £99m in his will, it is revealed, as fellow artists take part in a charity tribute concert in his honour.

...

But in an ironic twist on one of Harrison's best-known songs - Taxman - 40% of his fortune will be handed over to the Inland Revenue in death duties.

[BBC News | Front Page | UK Edition]

Yesterday (29 Nov) was the first anniversary of Harrison's death.

You and the Little Mermaid

"You and the Little Mermaid can both go f*** yourselves." Skip forward to about the 39 minute mark. Requires RealAudio.

Phallus

Well, I was at Borders tonight, picking up a copy of the Village Voice, which had this image on the cover: The look on the cashier's face.... I'm not sure what the poor girl was thinking. I have to say, though, I was out of the store before the reason behind her bemused look registered with me.